Tim Burton: Everytime I Look at You I Go Blind

Tonight I saw Tim Burton’s zany Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, did I like it? I’m still deciding. What I hated was the audio commentary by a group of youngsters behind me. Wow. I sound like I’m well in to my 70’s. Bring back Rock Hudson and the golden pictures, before all that sex and violence. Damn you Sam Peckenpaw!

Not only were these kids stupid and had no taste, but they liked to state the obvious and loudly. This started with the trailers. The first was for the hit film March of the Penguins, a wonderful little movie, most of the theatre went “aww” when they saw Penguins in love. The girls and their gay friend behind us went “why would anybody make a movie like that.” I turned around shouting “actually, it’s a very good movie.” Why would anybody make a movie like that? Good question. You should do some reading and find out what hell the filmmakers went through to make that very good little movie.

The commentary only continued onward in the film with comments like “ewww” and “he’s so weird” or “this movie is so funny” or “eww, old people kissing.” For the record I found the grandparents to be quite touching, what's more touching than people living in poverty that are upbeat. Not like that Cinderella Man movie.

As for the movie, I’ve been avoiding it. I liked Johnny Depp’s creepy Wonka, he’s very Michael Jackson-like and it gives the movie a certain scariness. The visuals are interesting, but the whole movie is weird for the sake of being weird and I’m not entirely sure I like that.

I like weirdness but weirdness with justice or poetry. Me and You and Everyone We Know is an example of weirdness with reason- the film is moving, personal, and expressive, an extension of Miranda July. That's the one people should see this summer (and may not)...although it is playing at Clearview’s Cinema 12, Clearview Cinemas’ biggest money making house in its entire chain, also where I saw a sold out performance of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

I agree genre is a difference of sorts. Some folks find Slipnott to be good, intelligent music with social commentary, other folks prefer Tupac or Belle and Sebastian. But Tim Burton is very talented and creates wondrous images (with the help of CGI). Granted if this was a film by Lars Van Trier it’s look very different (and probably look like dogme 95 crap) but at least it’d be justified in looking like crap. (I think, see Mr. Roger Ebert’s negitive review of Dogville)

Burton does justify his madness here with a line uttered by Charlie “It’s candy, it doesn’t have to have a point.” Now I’ve seen a few films by the folks at Stop Laughing Mom to know film doesn’t really have to point, but Burton is a “serious filmmaker” who talks shit about other “filmmakers.” In this respect I feel justified by calling him a jerk off. But a talented jerk off, non the less. Still very talented people can make crap. This movie isn’t crap (Big Fish kinda of was). But calling this crap may be a compliment, what Burton has done here is made a midnight movie. Yes, folks, this film has “Sunshine at Midnight” written all over it (a reference to the Landmark’s Sunshine Theatre in Manhattan which programs cult films and classics like Pulp Fiction, Muppets Take Manhattan and various vintage John Waters movies late nights on Fridays and Saturdays).

This movie is weirder than weird and weird for the sake of being weird. Granted I’ve seen aggressive movies that are fucked up for the sake of being fucked up but that is genre dependent and ultimately comes down to some justification. This film is fascinating to look at but does go on too long I’d have to say. It gets odd with its flashbacks, but I liked Wonka, as I told you earlier and I liked Charlie and felt bad for him. Even while others laughed at his poverty.

Is Parspipany an overtly rich area? I don’t think so. But perhaps a drive through Hartford or Patterson may do those unaware teens some good. Ofcoarse this isn’t real poverty, and Aunt Georgina seemed to be inspired by the main character in last year’s wonderful Since Otar Left, one of last years best films that once again NOBODY SAW.

Millions will see this movie, but millions will miss Me and You and Everyone We Know, the best film so far this year. This is sad. Why? Because that movie is weird but with justification. Tim Burton attempts to channel some weird Dr. Suss energy here and I don’t think it works all that well. He’s made some very good pictures but this one is just okay.

But why, especially at my school is Burton the ultimate auteur. I don’t get it. There are much better filmmakers out there, yet Burton is beloved. Is he hardcoded in us since birth or something? Is Edward Siserhands taught in first grade. What the fuck?

Yet brilliant filmmakers like Atom Egoyan, Patrice Leconte, Francois Ozon, Hayao Miyazaki, Paul Shrader, Jesse Dylan, Todd Solondz, Wong Kar Wai, John Maybury, Joe Maggio, Faith Akin, and Oliver Hirschbeigel are igonred in favor of jerk offs like Tim Burton, Michael Bay, and Larry Clark (see Ken Park and you’ll get your answer to why he’s a jerk off, even though Bully was brilliant). Miyazaki is actually a good example: he’ll show you new shit you can’t see else where, although with some philosophical justification for the images. Burton kinda just throws stuff: look what I can do, look what's in my mind, and that's a lot like jerking off.

A comparison. I conger up an image of a women I feel like rubbing one off to: she can be average, fat, thin, amazing looking, whatever I’m in the mood for- somebody I know, somebody I saw on TV or on the street, or some porn star in a video, whatever. This is what's in my mind, it makes me happy and it lasts for a few minutes- in the end its all about ejaculation.

Tim Burton’s films are about as memorable as last night’s pre-sleep masturbation session. Fuck, I don’t remember who I was thinking about, but it was fun while it lasted. Burton jerks us off in a way, he gets us off (unless we resist like I did with Big Fish) and for our 9.50 we get off- hopefully, if not you end up bitterly recalling it in your live journal within hours of seeing it. It didn’t do much for me, like jerking off, it may have relieved my stress, but it didn’t solve any problems and it sure didn’t get me thinking about the future or anything.

But should a movie be just entertainment? Well it should be a little more, especially at 9.50 a pop (hell its cheaper to stay home and jerk my self off instead of paying Tim Burton to do it). The answer is those other filmmakers mentioned above, few have made bad movies, most of their work is good do the trick and leave you with more- kinda like actually having sex. And that my friends proves my thesis on Burton being a jerk off.

This isn’t to say people that like him are jerk offs. People that like Michael Bay and talk loudly behind you in the cinema are jerk offs. Wow, it’s almost time for bed.